New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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