Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
only if we run a train.
done.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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