I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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