I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
