Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
