Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
