So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
