You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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