im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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