AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
