Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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