I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
