Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
