Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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