It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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