why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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