just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
