Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
