Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
