you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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