fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
