i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
