garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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