I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
need another drink. this is the easiest way
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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