he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
