Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
