Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
