So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
