i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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