I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
