that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
