the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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