We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize