I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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