Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
