If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
