i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
