My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
sex in a hospital.. check
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
