cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
