You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
