You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He has the fingertips of a God
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