Whod you bang
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
