Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
