i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
