i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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