i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drunk is a universal language darling
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