There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
