Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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