so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
