Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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