Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
