my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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