Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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