remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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