I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
