So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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