I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
