It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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