afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
