I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
