K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
