Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize