I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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