This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
