i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
