well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
