you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
