Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
