I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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