Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
